Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I hate feeling like this!

It was a stressful day!

I needed to take my MIL to the doctor. I have been seeing her a lot this week.
On Saturday, I spent many hours at the hospital with her after she fell and broke her finger....and again later on for a second time after she removed her half cast and all the gauze/bandages. Two times is too many times to go to the hospital on any day. So...I've been checking on her. She has been really sore and hurt from the fall (which she doesn't remember, of course.)

Of course, she continues to take off the cast on the following days as well.

So, today, I break out her wheelchair and use it instead of having her use her walker (because she'd take a month of Sundays to get from one place to another, and in pain, and I wasn't feeling very patient...I didn't have a lot of time either.) Fortunately, I got my older daughter to watch the toddler so I only had one kid with me during this 'quality time' with MIL. I packed up the dvd player and crayons/activity stuff for the preschooler along with snacks too. I never considered bringing anything to keep the MIL occupied. I should have...she kept asking where we were (her doctor, or mine.) This is the doctor she has loved for many years...and she has forgotten who he was (or where we were, and, when some memories come in, they're confusing to her.) We decide just to tape her two fingers together rather than deal with any cast/bandage issues...the easier, the better.

I need to work on my communication skills with MIL (instead of any memories she can't possibly remember.) We talked about the clouds way too much! I brought a doll to her place a few weeks ago and it has really kept her company (she talks to it and sleeps with it as well.) It's hard to think of stuff to talk about when we're cooped up in a room waiting on the doctor for an hour.

Little things seem to be so much more complicated when dealing with loved ones with Alzheimers. For instance, my MIL gets frustrated with me when I tell her how to get in the car. She feels like I'm talking down to her, I think. But, then thirty seconds later, I observe that she tries to get in on her own and gets stuck with just her head in the car and can't figure out how to get seated. I have to get her head and upper body out to then explain that her bottom has to get in first. Eventually it all works out but somehow, it makes us both feel awkward.

All in all, the whole afternoon seemed stressful and frustrating. So.......I vented my anger to my older daughters afterwards. Feel a little bad about that too. I chastised my oldest for not following through with what she said she'd do at my house (in return to money loaned to her) and not visiting her grandmother. I told her she needed to just come visit me instead of running in for something or staying a few minutes and leaving. I remember my own mom saying something similar when I was young....but I then started spending hours on the weekend with each of our parents (or parents-in-law.) I just want to shake my daughter(s) and say...hurry - visit your grandma now or she'll never remember you again!

But...later on...I calmed down...I caught myself and the little boys singing to a song on the show they were watching. I try not to stay angry or frustrated for long...and I didn't. Tomorrow's another day, another day to improve and start over.


K said...

robin I am in tears over this post - what a great DIL you are for sure
And what a terrible thing Alzheimers is

Lisa said...

Hugs Robin.