A 'thank you' to my older brother

My older brother is five years older than I am and we've always been close. He has even lived close to me for many many years, making it very convenient for each of us to ask for assistance, if needed. We're getting prepared to replace our porches to our house (front and back) and bought some plywood to prime (both sides) before painting before replacing the old ones. Without hesitation, when being asked to come help, he was over within minutes and painted the all.




Even with all the extra supervisory help from everyone around as well as the free labor from four little hands, he continued to paint until it was dark until he finished.



And, when cleaning up, he still had a sense of humor. My hubby (on left) and brother (right) make my life easy and comfortable. My brother has been my confidant, my partner in crime, my babysitter and the one who helps make me when my hubby is out of town (like make me chocolate pudding when I'm sick.) I don't know what I'd do without him. He's also become our camping partner and we always have to have him and his kiddo when we go camping. Thanks Mike for being a great brother!

Happy Valentines Day!

We have always given something to our kiddos but as parents, didn't really celebrate this holiday. Occasionally, we exchange cards or go out to eat together. This year, as I watched the kiddos as he slept in, I signed a card and prepared for him a huge bag (that took at least two enormous bags) of hersheys with almonds kisses (which he loves.) Since the kiddos like getting up before the crack of dawn, I was a little sleepy so after he got up, I laid back down for a while. When I got back up after a nice LONG nap, I woke up to this. The last sentence reads: "We love you and show this with the small token of fresh picked flowers." Wouldn't it be nice if everyone in the world had at least one person who loved them! I am blessed with many.

My second pedicure.

I got a pedicure a couple of years ago. I always wondered what one felt like and, since I was 9 months pregnant at the time and thought it would be a luxury...it was. Fast forward a couple years and, after a long stress-filled week with kids with way too much energy, I wanted to escape for a little while. And I did.

I went back to the same place I previously went. I let them know what I wanted and picked out the color of nail polish I wanted. I then causally mentioned that I hadn't been there in two years. The lady said she would let my feet soak longer then (and so my feet sat in a warm footspa with little jets moving the water around.) I wondered how often other people had pedicures done. I definitely didn't mind and was excited that I would be able to finish my book that I started this week.

At some point, while my feet were enjoying so much attention, the lady asked if I wanted a foot massage. I nodded and said yes. What I wanted to say was....YES!!! She was professional, efficient, and my feet were feeling wonderful! Because it was cold and raining outside, I sat a little longer after my nails dried while watching the end of a program on the tv (because I had just finished my book.) It was nice knowing I could just sit and not worry about rushing home (my hubby was watching the kiddos and nothing was planned for the rest of the day.) It was $29 well spent.

in the waiting room...

...where it seems that you wait forever, I enjoyed the time away from home because I brought a book from my bookshelf that had been begging to be read but I never found the time. Thinking I'd only have about half an hour, I waited with my adult daughter for at least an hour before she was called back for her ultrasound, and then another thirty minutes.

After an acquaintance found out she had breast cancer after finding a lump in her breast two months ago, I demanded my daughter have her own lump checked out (as she had been procrastinating for many months and never really did anything about it.) Since her dad's side of the family have lots of breast cancer, there shouldn't have been any delay, in my mind, that is. But...it's difficult to insist when there is a lot of hesitation when you don't have any control. She doesn't live with me and hasn't for many years. Luckily, she gave me permission to set it all up and I paid for it as well. Better safe than sorry. Preliminarily, she was told that it looked like dense tissue so it doesn't hint of tumor which makes me feel less stressed.

While reading and barely noticing others talking around me or the noise of whatever gameshow that was on the television in the room, I realized that my daughter had fallen asleep and her head lay on my arm as she tried to get into a comfortable position in her chair. It reminded me of when she was very young and had done that so many times. I felt very calmed......it was a great feeling, probably for the both of us.

What was that you said?!?

Yesterday, we were trying to get out the door and run some errands. We waited a long while because the toddler decided to take a wonderfully long nap (of course, on the one day we actually had plans!) At the point we were finally leaving, my preschooler had a motivational issue happening....that or amnesia. He just wasn't putting on his shoes as quickly as I preferred.

I had to tell him a few times to get his shoes on, even though he was wanting me to assist him. I just didn't want to because I was doing other things. On the way out, I noticed his dad helping him (he got his way!)

But then he said something and it took a couple seconds for me to comprehend exactly what he said........he said, "You just missed the privilege of helping me get my shoes on."

What?!?!?! I have no idea where he got that from (I've never used that phrase.) It sounded uniquely cute!

Yes, I guess I did... :)

Weaning...

I'm in the process of weaning my toddler. I didn't really plan on it per se, but I'm looking forward to the possibility of not having to be home at naptime and each night all night with him. It's just happening without any planning so I'm going with it...because it seems he's more ready for it than I am. Anyway, I've been trying to fill up his tummy especially around lunch and dinner to compensate for what he's missing. It's difficult actually to do that since he has such a limited variety of food that he really likes. He loves soups but only the creamy white kind (potato or new england clam chowder.) However, with that being said, it's just the soup he likes, not, for example, the potatoes or clams. So....I will usually try to remove those bigger chunks from his soup when possible. Today, we went to a Red Lobster for that reason (soup for him right before lunch.) We went to visit MIL at her ALF and it's situated right behind the restaurant. Messy indeed! I should have kept my camera in my purse to take a picture...soup was everywhere! I forgot his spoon at home so he tried to use the oversized one they had. And this cute kid that fell asleep in the car seat on the way home (full, content and with a soup soaked shirt) was simply precious!

"Why do you like me?"

My preschooler and I often have this conversation:

Pr: " Mom......"

Mom: "What?"

Pr: " I like you."

Mom: " I like you too."

but then, he will at times, then ask,
Pr: "Why do you like me?"

At which time, I will find many things to say to him:
"because...
you're smart
handsome
you're a strong superhero
you help save the city
you're nice to your brother
you help clean up your room
you are a great tractor driver
you make have a great laugh
you shared your cookie with me..."

Sometimes I have to think quickly to come up with so many things...but he loves hearing whatever I say and you can see him smile and his head lift a little higher as I compliment him. I think about how great he feels afterwards and try to also do the same to my other children in some way, give at least one compliment a day. There were times (during their teen years) that it was difficult to come up with at least one...but nowadays, it's easy (and worth the time.)

V.C. State Park

We went to a state park recently and had lots of fun playing! I love hiking and exploring places like that but with two little ones, we had lots of fun at the playground and playing in the sand instead. While at the office paying our fees, I was talked into buying a bag of large bugs at the gift store. Those bugs enjoyed playing with us as well. It was a really good day...we played for hours. Next time, we'll bring a lunch.

My toddler near the creek.


Opening the bug bag.






Did I mention that we played lots of Batman and Gotham City scenarios too?


And practically most of the time we were there, we were all alone. It was very quiet and we were able to play as loud as we wanted. Near dusk, it was very peaceful and we could hear the sounds of the forest and animals. Nice.....

Big Brother, little brother

We went to my SILs after last Christmas and the boys had a great time. I noticed that my preschooler was becoming a great big brother to my toddler.

We didn't allow our toddler out on the pier by himself. Here he was at the end of it (before I quickly got him off!)


When we did walk on the pier, my preschooler was protective of him and held on to him at times to make sure he didn't stray too close to the edge.


They loved playing in the water, even though it was really cold outside! They climbed down the dog ramp to get to the water.


Looking at rocks together!


Walking around...


And here's my preschooler in deeper water looking to make sure his brother didn't follow him.

"Find a quiet place inside"

I was reading a book to my preschooler the other day and it listed ways to let your greatness shine through. Number four was to "Find a quiet place inside. Life can sometimes be so loud. It's hard to listen with all those sounds! Go to a quiet place inside. There your mind can wander or just hide."

I thought of my vision of a quiet place and then I picture my SILs place.

A case of the Giggles!

My kiddos are in the stage where they shouldn't be going to restaurants. They've learned some ill-mannered habits and feed off of each other in acting up. So, we've taken a hiatus from the restaurant scene. Except.......yesterday. I should have known better, in hindsight, because my preschooler was really tired (he should have taken a nap) and he is like me in that when we get tired, we get goofy. So, we go one of my favorite restaurants for a number of reasons: it was early (not many people), we were really hungry (they have good food that the toddler likes), and the food there is prepared fast. However, several minutes into it, I realized that my toddler had lots of extra energy, and it seemed that my preschooler giggled at everything! So, as the toddler made a loud noise, the preschooler giggled. I never had time to give instructions not to laugh at inappropriate behaviors (thus more are made to produce more giggling) so an circle enveloped where toddler did something, preschooler giggled, mom blushes and tries to stop this pattern with no success. It was not going well and even though the preschooler really tried not to laugh, his giggles were too cute. I just had to pack up and leave. Luckily, the waitress was nice enough to bring all the containers and the preschooler finished his burger in the car on the way home....still giggling, lol!

Vanity Mirror with Magnification

I recently got a Christmas gift from my SIL, a mirror that can magnify. It's wonderful for people like me whose eyesight is slowly getting worse with age, lol! I had mentioned something to my hubby one day when I was having a difficult time seeing what I was doing while putting on makeup. Luckily for me, he mentioned it to her.

I tried it out yesterday for the first time. OMG! I had no idea what my face really looked like! Apparently, I have dead flaky skin coming out of everywhere, even my ears! I used to have dry skin but thought it had gone away...apparently it didn't, I just couldn't see it anymore, which is just kinda embarrassing.

I just love this thing!!! I can actually see what I'm doing now! I had to even brush my teeth twice (looking at teeth through this thing is awesome too!) I may break down and get actual glasses...I use reading glasses for reading the paper, books, instructions (and the computer screen a lot.) Absolutely in heaven now!

A trip out of town

My kiddos and I went to my SILs house over the weekend. It was a gathering to celebrate her birthday as well as her daughter's college graduation. It was two and a half hours away so I needed to time it just right in order to have a safe stressfree ride there (and back.)

So, I left right after lunch hoping they would take a nap. For the first hour, they didn't so I stopped at a mall along the way to get them even more tired. We also listened to music in the car too. I've been listening to a station lately of current pop music instead of 80s type music. At one point, I noticed my preschooler singing along with a song. It was a song about fireflies, I think, and I didn't even know the words. I have no idea who sings it or what the words are...I find it amazing that he can hear it and remember the words so well.

We enjoyed the gathering and, aside from the long trip back with the toddler unhappy about a third of the time, it went off without a hitch. It was really nice to see other relatives I hadn't seen in a long time. While I don't usually go on these kind of trips without additional support (another adult to help out), it's nice to get out of town and see different scenery.

"I can't find me."

I hate hearing statements like that from my MIL, but they are so true, and there are days that she actually realizes it. Yesterday, after an exhausting cold and rainy afternoon wrangling two kids and taking her to a doctor's office (including a trip to a really small bathroom that her wheelchair barely fit in), she became agitated and eventually depressed. Most of the time, she doesn't seem to know she has such severe memory loss (due to her Alzheimers), but she seemed to definitely know it yesterday. At one point, while crying in the car on the way back to her ALF (assisted living facility), she said she just didn't feel right, "nothing feels right."

And, in that state of mind, she began asking where she lived, whether she had a home, whether she lived with anyone, and that she didn't want to be alone. And, upon entering the ALF, she didn't recognize it and started getting upset (similar to a young child upon being dropped off at the babysitter's house and not wanting to leave it's parent.) She was scared, upset, cold, wet, and tightly clutching the soft brown blanket I had wrapped her up in to stay dry. And then we turned the corner and she saw her door with her name on it (the letters J O that I put on there for her) and then her tears of being scared became tears of joy.

So, I left her. She, feeling so relieved to recognize her things again, hugged me and told me how much she loves me and how she has loved me for many years (and that I was her best friend.) I wish she knew that I was related to her and all the experiences we enjoyed together...but instead, I left her my blanket...it's replaceable.

the weather and funerals...

I am going to attend a funeral today of a very good acquaintance, no, a friend. Initially, his mom (who was doing the planning) was concerned that it might rain today, hoping that it wouldn't. I have other thoughts... I remember when my mother died and on the day of her funeral, it was bright, sunshiny and beautiful! I was disappointed, thinking that the clouds ought to rain too, to cry as much as I had been crying. And so, on days of funerals, I tend to keep that thought in the back on my mind, hoping for rain. I ought to just change my way of thinking though. The fact that the weather is nice shows that life goes on and passing away is a part of life.

This Christmas, I am attending a Christmas party with mutual friends of my friend who is being buried today. It's a small gathering, but a tradition we had been having for many, many years. I am enclosing a letter in my gift to my other friends, one that describes how much I appreciate them and why. Since it takes me so long to write an actual letter, getting the wording just right, I've been making first drafts already (and won't need to be finished for at least a week.) I want the letters to be just right...I'm better writing what I want to say rather than saying it...and I want my other friends to know I love them very much and what they mean to me.

Running in the Rain

I went to the mall a couple days ago with my little kiddos. We saw Santa, rode in the small holiday train, ate cookies at the cookie store, and walked around a little bit. We had a fabulous time (no meltdowns or escape attempts.) On the way out, I noticed that it was starting to sprinkle a little bit. Being cold and windy, that rain made it really cold!! We started walking to the car but just then, it started raining hard. We picked up the pace a little and started running...and laughing. For some reason, it seemed like fun! Luckily, the preschooler had his rubber boots, so when he started intentionally going through all the puddles, I didn't even look. I just turned the stroller around so that the wind and rain wouldn't get on the toddler and we slowly walked in the rain to the car. I've been in a good mood lately and surprise myself with spontaneous laughter at something slightly funny (making it even more funny) or breaking out in song in the car by myself (because I cannot sing!) It's been a good week!

Horoscopes

I never read these in the paper or magazines. But I got an email this week with some info. I have to admit, when I matched each to some people I knew, it seemed really close and accurate. Very interesting! Just for fun!!

CAPRICORNThe Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid.. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want. 20 years of good luck if you forward.

AQUARIUS- The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality... Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality. 11 years of luck if you forward.

PISCES- The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative.May become secretive and vague. Sensitive.. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser Beautiful.
8 years of good luck if you forward.

ARIES- The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous.... Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 16 years of good luck if you forward.

TAURUS- The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20)
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endu rance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard-- passionate.. Expresses themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined.. Indulges themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of good Luck if you forward

GEMINI- The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20)
Smart and witty.. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptablebutneeds to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken.. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent.. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER- The Protector (June 21 - July 22)
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.... 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO- The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos . Attractive.. 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward

VIRGO- The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Dominant In relationships. Conservative.. Always wants the last word.. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal.. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.... 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA- The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO- The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive.. Hardworking.. Great kisser. Can become obsessive orsecretive. Holds grudges.. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS- The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Good-natured optimist.Doesn't want to grow up ( Peter Pan Syndrome ).Indulges self.Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing.. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to 2 be around. Having lots of friends.. Flirtatious... Doesn't like rules.. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted.Beautiful inside and out.

School Crossing Guard

There is an intersection I pass by regularly which is in a school zone. One guard always stands out...he is so friendly. He will smile big and wave at each car going by. Not the little hand wave but with his whole arm up in the air with his hand waving...

I love going by this way...he seems so happy in his job and spreads cheer and smiles (which can be contagious.) I wish I had this much gusto in the little things I do each day. That is something to think about...

Last Couple of Weeks...

...I've been really busy. Last week, my youngest and his pregnant wife visited us for the whole Thanksgiving week!! It was awesome as I had only met her once (at their wedding) and I enjoyed spending so much time with them. My other brothers came and hung out too and the whole family experience was wonderful!! I love turkey and our feast turned out pretty good! We also celebrated my preschooler's fifth birthday (in which he got a new John Deere bicycle.)

This week, I'm playing catch up.

1. MIL

I'm making sure my MIL (mother-in-law) is fine. She went to the ER again (had cellulitis and needed antibiotics for a wound on her leg.) I visited her yesterday and stayed about an hour and a half. She was in such a great mood!!! She kept saying how much she missed me and mentioning that it had been such a long time since she had seen me. I didn't let her know that I see her every other day practically and let her talk. I just went with the flow but noticed that she really didn't make a lot of sense. She's losing her words. While listening to the flow of conversation, she sounded fine but listening to each word, they didn't connect grammatically she couldn't remember a lot of her thoughts and filled the sentences with 'this and that' or 'you know what I mean.' She asked me where I lived at least 7 times and what I have been doing today at least 10 times. I just that last question with another thing I did:
washed clothes and did dishes
make brownies with pecans
played batman with the preschooler
went to the grocery store
went outside (what a beautiful day!)
vacuumed
gave the toddler a nap
It gave her another thing to think about each time I answered differently. She was aware and remembered that I put all the pictures on her walls (which happened last May) but unaware that I had four children (or who they were.) It's funny what the mind does with this disease. She mentioned how she tries to keep a memory but it just goes away (I knew what she meant but just gently changed the subject to something that would make her laugh.) There were painters (a couple guys) that were redoing walls in the building. She mentioned that fact at least 14 times ( I stared keeping track after a few times.) She said they were so nice....

2. Exercise

I'm returning to the gym (after a week of eating a lot and entertaining houseguests.) Today, I stayed a little longer and, even though my face was red and I was dripping sweat, I did a full hour on a new machine. What a challenge!! I was so proud of myself! If I continue this for many, many months, I may actually get toward a normal healthy weight! Patience and determination are my friends!

3. Christmas shopping

I have the opportunity to finish any shopping without kiddos for just a few more days before my husband goes back to work. Since it goes so much faster and smoother without them there, I need to doublecheck my list for what I haven't yet bought and unload my trunk of those hidden gifts. I just love this season.

A visit to the past

I visited my former place of employment today. I worked at the facility for over 12 years and resigned about 5 years ago. I was a juvenile probation officer who supervised juveniles and young adults on parole. I had only visited there once in that time, until today. One friend who works there had a box of pecans I bought for me (I was out of town when they arrived through the county and she kept them for me until I returned.) As I walked to the building, it felt so familiar. I was so happy to see several former coworkers and see how much they've changed in the last several years. Whereas it seemed (to everyone there) that they changed slowly through the years, because I hadn't seen them in so long, it was immediately obvious how much they changed.

What I found interesting is that, while I was there, I remembered why I don't usually go there to visit. I felt so sad (almost teared up) as the place seemed like another home to me and I wasn't able to live there anymore. I really loved my work there....it was stressful, time-consuming, and chaotic at times...but I loved it. My former supervisor asked me how I liked being home with the boys (the reason that I resigned was to stay home with my son after he was born, and then consequently my other son afterwards) and whether I missed the place. I said that I missed being able to take breaks and have a specified lunch time (lol!), the camaraderie, and being able to see short-term results (seeing how I made a positive difference.)

But, I added that I know that I'm making a difference with my kiddos at home in the long-term. As long as we can afford me staying home and not working, I'll continue to stay home. For right now, that's the best decision for my family.

And that is what is most important. I'll continue to devote my extra time on the people around me who need it most, my immediate and extended family.

Where is Matt?

I love this video via youtube. It gives me warm fuzzies and I love the song. I included the song on my mp3 player for when I go to the gym (it sounds motivational to work.) It makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world..and that we're all connected. (oh and you have to click on the word video to see it.)

Washateria woes,,,

After returning from my camping trip, I waited a couple days to visit my MIL as my little one had a runny nose and I didn't want to bring in any extra germs. Normally, she will soil her clothes, wait for them to dry and then hang them back up in her closet (where they'll 'contaminate' other clothes close by too.)

On this occasion, I see that someone has helped her out. Either that, or she hasn't been walking a lot and hasn't had the energy to put them back up. For her bathroom floor was covered in sheets, mattress pads, numerous pairs of pants, socks and underclothing. While I was happy that she hadn't placed them all back in her closet, it was nowhere near Friday (the day of the week where her facility washes the clothes.) Her bed sheets/pads were also wet and needed to be changed. That meant that I had to either use the facility's equipment and have it washing while I took her to her doctor appointment or just go buy another set. I chose the latter. I knew I wouldn't be in the mood to sit and wait after the ordeal of getting her in and out of the car. She is so afraid of falling. She's already gone to the hospital again after falling and hitting her head (since her last broken finger accident.) It's hard for her to remember what to do first when getting in or out of a car. I have to be a cheerleader of sorts. (First stand up, then swivel until your bottom is near the seat, then sit, then put your legs in.) I guess it is difficult when you can't really remember how to do it smoothly since it doesn't happen often and is stressful.

While gone taking her to the doctor, I stopped at a store and ran in to buy more sheets. After I returned, I changed her sheets and gathered many clothes to be washed. I tried not to gag. After filling four huge plastic garbage bags, I knew it'd take me a LONG time to do them at home and I didn't want to have that odor around that long. So, I decided to just go to the washateria instead.

I normally look forward to going to one (it's been a long time though.) I had forgotten about the convenience of those nice rolling baskets. I wish the lady who watched me move all those loads of clothes by hand (dropping some one the floor) would have reminded me of them when she first saw me doing that instead of when I had just finished. When I realized how easier I could have made the whole process, I gave her that 'duh, I feel stupid' look and laughed. Oh well. What a release of negative energy to laugh at something stupid I did...it made me stop whining to myself about what I was doing and get me back on track.

And I did...I went back and thought of all the nice things my mother-in-law did for me over the years. Since I lost my parents as a young adult, I often relied on her for important information, conversation and motherly advice. We didn't often have the same opinion on much, but I have her the respect and courtesy while listening. I wished I had written down many stories of her childhood and of her family growing up. I had heard them so many times over the years that I thought I'd never forget them. I had no idea that at some point, I'd never hear them again.

Some recent pics of MIL.




(and with her purple shoes.)

Just Went Camping...

...I think I'd much rather go camping and drive scenic drives than go to an adventure type place like Disney World. We had an awesome time and I think that this is the best time to enjoy the great views and awesome changing of the leaves.

This tree was right outside our tent. I love how there are at least three colors in the leaves and how well they look together. It was so peaceful watching the leaves fall.


Throughout the year, I try to remember how it sounds as the water flows past and the sounds of the night. Each time I return, I am amazed at how much I forgot and how wonderful the sounds are.


Nearby falls.


Me at the bottom of a hill. I look forward to hiking the trails in the National Forest where we camp. We have returned to the Ouachita Mountains for many years now.






More trees. I just love looking up at them.


My little one does too.


The one lane roads are tricky to drive...especially with all the switchbacks.


We just love the water... I found this place when I looked on the map for the nearest area to camp that had mountains and water where there weren't a lot of people. We happened upon this particular camping park and, even though I've looked elsewhere, I haven't found anyplace I enjoy more. It's not too far from home...about 6 or 7 hours.


This is right behind our tent/camp area.


Hunting for rocks.


Another hike. This is near the top of a hill looking down.


'My happy place.'


This is the life!

Noo-Noo

I visited my MIL yesterday at her assisted living facility. She was incredibly glad to see me. She's improved greatly since her fall and broken finger. We talked about her bruises, the rain and then I talked about what I've been doing at home. I can see the unsureness in here eyes because she doesn't relate to my stories but I continue on anyway knowing she needs the attention and conversation.

On the way out, I walk her to the dining room because it was dinner time. Actually, I pushed her on her walker (it has a spot where you can sit down.) She was trying to weasel out of going down there saying her hip hurt but I know she just didn't know that it was so close and that she could walk fine.

As everyone comes in, you can hear parts of conversation here and there. I knew someone had died because of the words out of context like "pneumonia" and "he lived a good long life."

As you walk into the open dining room, there are tables all over and the people usually sit in the same spot every time. The lady who sits behind my MIL is wheelchair bound and you can tell she has had a stroke. She can't use her left hand and her right side of her mouth doesn't move much. She always sits alone at a table for two and puts on a large bib to protect her clothing. She rolled over and asked if I were MILs daughter. I said yes (and said that I was her daughter-in-law.) She said her name was Noo-Noo and that she always tries to get MIL to eat more. She said MIL likes to sit and drink her coffee instead of eating. I laughed as I know she does that all the time too. By this time, MIL wanted to sit at Noo-Noo's table but was politely told no. Noo-Noo said that she saves that other chair for her daughter (who lives an hour away and will come to visit and sit there every other week or so.) I have never seen the daughter so I'm not sure if the timeframe is correct but it is nice that she keeps it unoccupied, just in case.

Then Noo-Noo explained that Mr. Ray had died that morning. He had been in the hospital with pneumonia and had quit eating (they put in a tube etc) and eventually died. She then pointed out where he normally sits and I knew exactly who it was.

He sat with his wife (who he shared a room with at that facility) and pushed her in her wheelchair all the time. We always passed him because their table was on the side of the room where we walk to get to MILs table. He normally would stop and talk to the boys and would hi-five them. I immediately pictured his cap (it had some military patches on it) and it saddened me that we would never get that opportunity to talk to him again. How really sad his wife must now be (as he took care of her there as well...now she'll be alone.)

Noo-Noo said...This is passing-away place. It makes me so sad. (I could see her tearing up.) And then she said, I gotta get out of here. ....I know she won't ever leave, not the way she wants to anyway.

And MIL is oblivious to the conversation taking place or what had happened. Because she tends to get sad and whiny when I leave, I let MIL know that I'd be back the day after tomorrow and that I had a surprise for her. She smiled big! I have a bright purple pair of house shoes for her (she loves that style and purple is her favorite color!)

Tagged

Rachel from Once Upon a Miracle tagged me. This one looked fun – and I’m tagging anybody who reads this...if you're interested. Just leave a comment and I'll be sure to read yours as well!


ABC'S OF ME SURVEY

A - Age: Early forties

B - Bed size: King (just moved up to that size a couple months ago) With my kiddos coming in throughout the night, I don't know how we survived without one!

C - Chore you hate: Picking up after other people

D - Dog's name: Fatty (our late Australian Shepherd...she died last year...)

E - Essential start-your-day item: cereal, usually raisin bran. I usually check my email when eating breakfast too.



F - Favorite color: Black (a second color I love is green)

G - Gold or Silver: Both (I'm into silver right now though)

H - Height: 5'4"

I - I am: Going camping next week if the weather cooperates

J - Job: Mommy (in my former career, I was a juvenile probation/parole officer)

K - Kids: Four: Ages, 24, 18, 4 and 1




L - Living arrangements: I live in the house I grew up in (I moved back to it about two years ago after letting it be a rental house for a decade or so.)



M - Mom's name: She was Mom.

N - Nicknames: Rob

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: I had my tonsils out when I was 9 and for the births of my children...that's all.

P - Pet Peeve: Someone talking on the cellphone in a restaurant

Q - Quote from a movie: I have so many...the only one that comes to mind, lol!, is "Do NOT go in there!" from Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. We use that phrase to warn anybody at home not to go into the bathroom for a while!

R - Right or left handed: right.

S - Siblings: Three brothers. This is a picture of my youngest brother (from his wedding last year...he just sent the pic a couple weeks ago and I absolutely LOVE my hair in this pic...he looks handsome in it as well!)



T - Time you wake up: Usually 6:30, even on weekends (thank you children...ugh!)

"U- Underwear: Always

V - Vegetable you dislike: Maybe the question should have been, which ones Do I like (it'd be a smaller list.)

W - Ways you run late: I'm a huge procrastinator...but I like to blame the kids for last minute requests and issues as I'm going out the door.

X - X-rays you've had: ankles and sinus area

Y - Yummy food you make: King Ranch Chicken

Z - Zoo favorite: The merry go round ...and the penguins or seals, if it has them.

MMMmmm! Cupcakes!

Many years ago, my boss brought some cupcakes to work. They were wonderful and I got the recipe from her. I finally made them myself last week and had to actually hide them because we ate SO many at one time!!



Self-filled Cupcakes:

1 pkg. chocolate cake mix
1 pkg. cream cheese (8 oz.), softened
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg
6 oz. chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line muffin pans with baking cups. Make cake mix according to package directions. Spoon batter into muffin pans, filling each cup about two-thirds full. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese and the sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg. Stir in the chips. Drop 1 spoonful of cheese mixture into each cupcake. Bake as cake mix package directs.

I hate feeling like this!

It was a stressful day!

I needed to take my MIL to the doctor. I have been seeing her a lot this week.
On Saturday, I spent many hours at the hospital with her after she fell and broke her finger....and again later on for a second time after she removed her half cast and all the gauze/bandages. Two times is too many times to go to the hospital on any day. So...I've been checking on her. She has been really sore and hurt from the fall (which she doesn't remember, of course.)

Of course, she continues to take off the cast on the following days as well.

So, today, I break out her wheelchair and use it instead of having her use her walker (because she'd take a month of Sundays to get from one place to another, and in pain, and I wasn't feeling very patient...I didn't have a lot of time either.) Fortunately, I got my older daughter to watch the toddler so I only had one kid with me during this 'quality time' with MIL. I packed up the dvd player and crayons/activity stuff for the preschooler along with snacks too. I never considered bringing anything to keep the MIL occupied. I should have...she kept asking where we were (her doctor, or mine.) This is the doctor she has loved for many years...and she has forgotten who he was (or where we were, and, when some memories come in, they're confusing to her.) We decide just to tape her two fingers together rather than deal with any cast/bandage issues...the easier, the better.

I need to work on my communication skills with MIL (instead of any memories she can't possibly remember.) We talked about the clouds way too much! I brought a doll to her place a few weeks ago and it has really kept her company (she talks to it and sleeps with it as well.) It's hard to think of stuff to talk about when we're cooped up in a room waiting on the doctor for an hour.

Little things seem to be so much more complicated when dealing with loved ones with Alzheimers. For instance, my MIL gets frustrated with me when I tell her how to get in the car. She feels like I'm talking down to her, I think. But, then thirty seconds later, I observe that she tries to get in on her own and gets stuck with just her head in the car and can't figure out how to get seated. I have to get her head and upper body out to then explain that her bottom has to get in first. Eventually it all works out but somehow, it makes us both feel awkward.

All in all, the whole afternoon seemed stressful and frustrating. So.......I vented my anger to my older daughters afterwards. Feel a little bad about that too. I chastised my oldest for not following through with what she said she'd do at my house (in return to money loaned to her) and not visiting her grandmother. I told her she needed to just come visit me instead of running in for something or staying a few minutes and leaving. I remember my own mom saying something similar when I was young....but I then started spending hours on the weekend with each of our parents (or parents-in-law.) I just want to shake my daughter(s) and say...hurry - visit your grandma now or she'll never remember you again!

But...later on...I calmed down...I caught myself and the little boys singing to a song on the show they were watching. I try not to stay angry or frustrated for long...and I didn't. Tomorrow's another day, another day to improve and start over.

This is what I feel like doing a lot of the time...I can't ever decide what to eat!

If I had lots of money, I'd hire a personal chef to cook or prepare food for me and my family. I sometimes have good ideas and cook but I'm not a great cook, barely good. I eat out a lot, or I have done it a lot lately. My toddler seems to love soup so we've gone to a couple restaurants over and over because they make really good baked potato soup (and new england clam chowder.) He will eat really well by himself when he eats those. Nevertheless, I tend to eat better when my hubby is home when we plan and eat together. My preschooler eats lunch at his school (even though he goes half a day) so it's just the toddler and I. Food always seems to taste better when someone else cooks it!

I used to love coming home from school and smelling the kitchen right after my mom cooked something (maybe that's why I love the arouma of onions and green peppers together even though I don't like to eat them.) I got got another cookbook so I need to cook more!!

Fishing for Trout! Yep, we played a lot during the weekend...here are my boys fishing off of the 'boat' with their fishing poles (sometimes catching fish, sometimes seeing them get away!)


While checking me email (my computer is in the living room), my toddler crawls behind it and peeks through to see me. I then make a game of it and tickle him with the skeleton arm. Of course, my one time tickle turned into a game that lasted forever it seemed, lol!


My hubby was gone three weeks at work instead of two this month and when he got back, my toddler did NOT want to let him out of his sight...they were inseparable!

We had a nice cold front this past week and it rained for days. After a couple days, the boys couldn't stand it and needed to play outside! Since it wasn't thundering or lightening, we let them....and they both had their rainboots on! They had a great time and stayed out for a long time!


Standing in the rain to pose for a picture!


And my toddler licking the raindrops from his mouth. Within a minute after I took this picture, he decided he had had enough and we all went back in.

My 18 month old toddler, while playing at playground, grabbed the hand of the little girl next to him and they walked around together for a little while holding hands. It was SO cute! I happened to catch a picture of him just after he got her hand. Aaah!